A few things happened since the last time I've updated. It was so crazy. Up, down, up and down again. When something good happens, bad things follows. And sadly, I'm not strong enough to actually handle those. It was just insane. 

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I managed to actually build up my friendship with Huiyi, the twins and Yong sheng again. Smaller group make things so much easier, I swear. Plus, it's less stressful and definately no pressure. Though I do enjoy big group outing once in a while. 

Anyway, we spent a lot of time together and everyone seems so happy. No more fake smiles, no more conflicts, just laughter and shitloads of sexual jokes. 

No matter how bad things get, they're still the one to make everything so much better. 

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Speaking of awesome friendships, I could never get enough of how much I love Hanna to bits and pieces. She's like probably the best little ''sister'' ever. She would always be there for me whenever I feel so annoyed, pissed, angry, upset. She's there to listen, and I feel so much better after spilling my guts out to her. Seriously, I thank God that I get to meet such a adorable girl like her ♥

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Of course, every good always comes with a bad. After all, life is never easy, my friend.

I thought I've controlled my anger issues and my panic attacks, oh boy, I was so fucking wrong. Obviously I wont describe in details what happened and what was going on, but yeah, I officially lost it. I lose my patience and basically almost created a scene. Almost. Not only it happened once, it happened probably twice. I mean, what the fuck? 

On the brightside, everyone seem to forget it... I think. 

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Another thing before I sign off and should really get to bed, I wanted to write something to someone who probably mean a lot to me. This is my blog afterall, and I know he doesnt know anything about my blog, and only my close friends know about this. 

I never got a chance to say this because I was so scared and was fucked up enough not to say it, but I really just wanted to get this off my chest so badly. 

Alright, here goes ..

Dear.. , 

I am very sure you will not be reading this, thats why I'm writing it here. 

So I am currently waiting for you to reply my text or just talk to me even though I know I wont be getting any, but you know, I still hope. I know that I probably fucked up a lot and I know I've wasted your time a lot by asking you out to just chill with me. The thing is, after I found out about my feelings towards you, I just cant stop being scared and nervous. Scared that we wont have mutual feelings, and that I will get hurt. I know that I'm seriously wasting your time by just keeping quiet. Cant help but feel nervous you know. 

I know that you know about my feelings, I mean, I've written that in the letter I gave you for your birthday present and I even said it through a text. I rather you just reject me if you dont feel the same way than keep me hanging there, because I can tell you right now that I am hanging on and afraid to let go. I want to know how you feel exactly. I dont expect you to like me back, but I just want to hear it straight from you. It makes things so much easier. 

I really hope you would trust me on this. 

With that said, here I am, confessing to someone who probably wont see this, 

I like you, a lot, more than a friend. 

With much love, 

Sarah. 

♥