This whole jealousy thing suckballs. I never felt sooo jealous before. Like damn, I feel shitty. 

One part of me feels that I'm being unreasonable. The other part makes me feel like setting that bitch on fire and blow her ashes in the toilet bowl with the rest of the poos. 

I'm trying to darn hard to be understand but hell, I cant accept it. 

Obviously I dont want you to text her. If she tells you what she eats or what shes doing then goddamn ignore that text. If she ask you about jobs, then fine, talk to her. 

I'm not emotionally strong to deal with this shit. 

I'm over here trying to keep how i really feel and lets you know but I cant. I cant tell you because I'm afraid I'll lose you. 

Fuck, you're so goddamn important to me. 

I've been feeling like shit lately and I dont know why. Its not even about the hellish assignments, or about that girl. I just feel... down. 

I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I dont even deserve to live. I'm a weak and coward being and I cant seem to make anyone happy and satisfy. 

This feeling... is not new. Its been here and its here again. Except this time, no one knew. I couldnt tell anyone. Its not because I didnt want to but because I didnt know how to and keeping it to myself is just easier. I cant find words to describe how terrible this feeling is. 

Either way, I have to be strong.