I'm sick of being with people that makes me feel alone, that makes me feel like I dont matter at all. 

I'm so angry and upset at myself for letting my walls down, thinking that maybe I could try letting people in, but at the end of the day, its all disappointment. 

I never felt so alone. It got to a point where I crave for love and attention. Call me attention whore, whatever. But do you ever realise how it hurts hearing your voice drown in silence? And that no one ever listens to your cries even though you speak up? And that loneliness that will never leave your side?

Basically, no one give a single fuck. 

And I have trust issues, could you blame me? After all these while of being hurt, could you really blame me for being really upset and angry over someone who broke my trust. I fear vulnerability, I dont want to feel so weak and exposed. That is exactly why I push people out just so that I can protect myself from getting hurt further. But loneliness is the consequences of my doing.
Even if I did turn to someone for comfort, they dont give a fuck. So much for listening ear huh?
So I did what I did, fake a persona. Be the bad guy in every possible way, accept whatever confrontation that are thrown at me.
 Time heals, yes, but how long more do I have? How long more can I be okay again?
When can I put my wall down and just be me?