Hello world. its 3.04am right now, and I'm obviously still awake and updating this blog. I finally started school this monday, and I HATE IT. Its been four days, not a single friend was made. Can you imagine how idiotic I look just walking around all alone.

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I thought being ''lonely'' is such a cool thing, and right now I realised I'm basically lying to myself all along. It's not cool, it's just plain stupid. I just cant make friends, goddamnit. I'm fuckng anti-social. Not because I want to, but because socialising scares the fuck out of me. My tummy get all annoying and I feel sick in the head, thats how I felt. 

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My parents are both away and I'm currently alone, with my cousin, just the two of us. Its already the 5th day and I'm exhausted af. I dont mind being busy, in fact, I love being busy, it gets you mind running and not thinking all the bad things. But, at the end of day, you're lying down and staring in space, and that emptiness feeling is back again. 

It felt like I have dont really have any purpose in life, and it felt lonely and dark. 

Next thing I know, I found myself crying almost every night. 

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Still, I just wanna thank those who really supported me. It means so much to me.

I didnt want to disappoint anyone.

I promised that I'm trying.

But I cant promise, I cant promise that I'll get through it.